It’s been awhile since I have written anything
on either of my blogs. I found that every time that I sat down to write that only
negative thoughts and words hit the page. This past year seemed to be full of new
challenges and obstacles. And while it has helped to write down my thoughts
about all of them, I am not yet ready to write publicly and candidly about them.
I may never find that voice but I am ready to write again.
Here is what you should know: After a recent
loss, I lost sight of my positive attitude. I have always
prided myself in finding the silver lining and walking away from negative
situations having learned some sort of life lesson. I’m not really sure that I
have identified any profound silver lining or life lesson yet but I have experienced
something worth writing about: the strength of love.
My husband – who has been known to be a bit of
a pessimist and worrier between the two of us...has been the optimist and
positive one among the two of us lately. There have been some dark days for me –
we all have them. On those days I’m not particularly pleasant, I’m less than
sweet and sometimes I don’t even want to be around myself. He could let me
wallow in it and just avoid dealing with me. Most people would probably agree
that he would be completely justified if he wanted to mirror my foul attitude that
day and embrace the bad mood as his own.
But instead he’s been carrying me through each
of those days. His words and his positivity more than anyone else’s have gotten
me through all of it. A negative comment, a snarky remark – he could have sent
them right back at me. But he’s chosen to counter my negativity with goodness. I’ve never needed him as much as I have this
past year and it’s as if he knows exactly when I need him the most. Everyone
jokes about for better or for worse when people say their wedding vows but I’m
realizing each day that it’s the most important part of the promises that we
made. My husband has seen me at my worst and my lowest and yet continues to
love me even when I have no love for myself.
When I have felt low or have been in a bad mood I
have found that my prayers are filled with requests for strength to get me
through those days. And it’s far too easy to grow impatient with God when we
think that he isn’t answering our prayers. How foolish I feel now that I
realize that God has been providing strength the whole time… to my husband…to
carry both of us. I’m so thankful that God has blessed my life with a husband always
willing to love a wife whose attitude and words are sometimes unlovely.
The strength of negativity can be overwhelming
but the strength of love is endless.
…and all you need is love.
